It is generally accepted that trying desperately to get your ex back is the best way to make him or her run away. It is common sense, as nobody would be appealed by a desperate and needy person. In addition, such a mindset makes you doing things you would never do with anyone else. The shortcoming here is to believe that the break up was induced by not having been good enough, or not having done enough. The truth is that it is rarely the case. On the contrary, most people prefer persons who think by themselves and are not constantly trying to please you. The cardinal concept here is "challenge". Only challenge can make you interesting and attractive, be it for romance or for any social relationship.
A relationship should not be unilateral and predictable if you want to make it challenging and interesting. There should always be something fresh to spice things up. In essence, what your ex awaits is to have more by being with you than being without you. Being with you should imply perpetual exploration and fresh exciting experiences. Your ex should feel of you as a valuable asset and not just as a liability. However, most persons fail to think this way and to think about their relationship. They do not think beyond their own feelings and fail to understand they must be a resource for their partner. By understanding this primary idea, a lot of couples have reached a new level in their relationship.
While this need for surprise and excitation is general, you might nonetheless ask your ex what they expect from a relationship. It should not revolve around you or what you should do, because the reply will have no value at all. It should rather be about what your ex expects from relationships and life in general. By putting yourself out of the equation, you will get much more valuable answers, and you will have a much clearer depiction of what your ex truly expects. This way, you will be able to implement the right changes and to start sparking off a renewed interest from your ex.
The changes you introduce should be progressive and should let ample room for surprises and excitation. Your ex should get turned on and should try to guess what you are going to do. These changes should be the consequence of your actions only. You should not be pompous or make speeches about how much you have understood him or her, as this is the best manner to destroy all your credit. Acting in a somewhat unpredictable and stimulating manner is a lot more efficient and will hook your ex's attention. He or she will also wish to be involved and to play a part in your life once more.
Linda
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