Being needy: the capital sin in relationships

Being needy is usually the result of an insecure feeling, usually the fear of being alone or without a mate. This is a problem that should be fixed, because it may handicap you at every stage of a relationship. From first dates to life in couple, being needy will always put you at a disadvantage. This is especially true after a break up, if you try to get your ex back. It's OK to read some broken heart quotes and let your sadness express for some time, but at one point you have to move on and get into a more positive mood.

Whatever your feelings, your life should still go on and the world shouldn't stop because of your ex. If you are needy, this usually means you need to be reassured that you are loved. This is perfectly human, but don't forget that your ex is far from being the only worthwhile person that may love you. If you want to get your ex back, avoid being needy, and avoid:

- showing any kind of desperation
- harassing your ex or any other person
- asking if he/she is interested in coming back with you
- asking about his/her feelings towards you
- calling your ex all the time

Try to figure out how you would feel if someone did all these things to you. Even if the person was nice, you probably wouldn't want him/her anymore. The fact is, no one wants to be with a needy person. The best way to get rid from your neediness is to fill your life with interesting activities, hobbies, friends... Then, you will be able to enjoy the time you spend with your ex much more, and he/she will probably be much more interested in coming back with you.

Have a positive attitude - It will get better!

If you're trying to get your ex back with no results, the problem could be your attitude. After losing someone you love, it's easy to fall into a negative state of mind. It's time to change that now! You need to develop a positive attitude.

Start having the thoughts that thinks will get better. With a negative mindset, you won't go anywhere. However, adopt a positive attitude and you'll notice everything looks better, things start falling into place, and you're more likely to get your ex back.

Then, calmly and carefully apply the advice I give you in this blog, or the advice given by our relationship doctor, and you will see that positive thinking will bring about positive events - try it!

Fulfilling the true expectations of your ex

It is generally accepted that trying desperately to get your ex back is the best way to make him or her run away. It is common sense, as nobody would be appealed by a desperate and needy person. In addition, such a mindset makes you doing things you would never do with anyone else. The shortcoming here is to believe that the break up was induced by not having been good enough, or not having done enough. The truth is that it is rarely the case. On the contrary, most people prefer persons who think by themselves and are not constantly trying to please you. The cardinal concept here is "challenge". Only challenge can make you interesting and attractive, be it for romance or for any social relationship.

A relationship should not be unilateral and predictable if you want to make it challenging and interesting. There should always be something fresh to spice things up. In essence, what your ex awaits is to have more by being with you than being without you. Being with you should imply perpetual exploration and fresh exciting experiences. Your ex should feel of you as a valuable asset and not just as a liability. However, most persons fail to think this way and to think about their relationship. They do not think beyond their own feelings and fail to understand they must be a resource for their partner. By understanding this primary idea, a lot of couples have reached a new level in their relationship.

While this need for surprise and excitation is general, you might nonetheless ask your ex what they expect from a relationship. It should not revolve around you or what you should do, because the reply will have no value at all. It should rather be about what your ex expects from relationships and life in general. By putting yourself out of the equation, you will get much more valuable answers, and you will have a much clearer depiction of what your ex truly expects. This way, you will be able to implement the right changes and to start sparking off a renewed interest from your ex.

The changes you introduce should be progressive and should let ample room for surprises and excitation. Your ex should get turned on and should try to guess what you are going to do. These changes should be the consequence of your actions only. You should not be pompous or make speeches about how much you have understood him or her, as this is the best manner to destroy all your credit. Acting in a somewhat unpredictable and stimulating manner is a lot more efficient and will hook your ex's attention. He or she will also wish to be involved and to play a part in your life once more.

Linda

"Hard to get" attitude for broken hearts

For those of you who have never heard about the "hard to get" conduct, you should know this is a fantastic way of arousing interest from anybody you wish to get. In the case of a break up, it can even be more powerful. Basically, the idea is to put in some volatility and mystery in your conduct. Naturally, you should not become totally impossible to follow or understand, because this would be as damaging as being too predictable or available. If it becomes too hard for your ex to be with you, he/she will leave and look for someone else. Being hard to get works substantially because by acting so, you increase your value and do not look as someone needy. You also become a challenge for other people, because they feel they cannot easily control you. Like with any challenge, this sparks off excitement and desire, which is a necessary constituent in a relationship.

When trying to get your ex back, you should also be different from what you were in your previous relationship. You ex must feel that he/she missed something the first time. You must exhibit some characteristics that will make him/her tick and be interested. For example, you can dress a little differently, with well chosen clothes that will heighten your appearance. Or if you are a woman, and did not wear makeup previously, perhaps this is the right time to give it a try. Go to a specialized store and ask for advice. For men, try some new fragrance. This sort of change can look trivial, but this will actually be noticed immediately. The whole idea is to spark off a renewed interest from your ex, and to show him/her that you are actually a much more appealing person than they previously felt.

Unpredictability is also a very significant constituent. Your ex should never be able to imagine what you are going to do or say. If you are too predictable, you do not supply a sense of mystery and you are not a challenge either. This is the best way to make your ex drop off any interest in you, and he/she will not wish to pursue a relationship with you once more. You must think out of the box and get more dynamic. If your ex broke up with you, chances are that you were a sort of inactive and "easy" person. To get your ex back, it is necessary to prove him/her that you are no more the unexciting person you once were, but rather somebody with secret resources and dynamic behavior.

Be careful however not to become vain and selfish. You should think of the hard to get attitude as a way to merit the time of your ex, by providing him/her with excitement and challenge. The best way to act the correct way is to try to figure out what kind of person you would like to be with if you were in your ex's shoes. You would probably not wish to be with someone tiresome who always agree with you, but chances are that a too egocentric and hard person would likewise make you run away. So, try to introduce some surprise, but remain courteous. Do not give too much, and let your ex slowly discover you again. He/she must sense that you are now someone who must be merited, and that going back in a relationship with you would be much more exciting than previously.

Being needy with your ex: why it should be avoided

Being needy is usually the result of an insecure feeling, usually the fear of being alone or without a mate. This is a problem that should be fixed, because it may handicap you at every stage of a relationship. From first dates to life in couple, being needy will always put you at a disadvantage. This is especially true after a break up, if you try to get your ex back. It's OK to read some broken heart quotes and let your sadness express for some time, but at one point you have to move on and get into a more positive mood.

You probably always feel that you need to talk to your ex, but remember that there may be times when he/she won't be available for this, because of other preoccupations. If you really need to talk, it's much better to do it with a close friend. Be careful however that if your friend wants to give you some advice - which usually happens -, you should take it with a grain of salt, as he/she may be prone to the same usual mistakes as everyone.

Whatever your feelings, your life should still go on and the world shouldn't stop because of your ex. If you are needy, this usually means you need to be reassured that you are loved. This is perfectly human, but don't forget that your ex is far from being the only worthwhile person that may love you. If you want to get your ex back, avoid being needy, and avoid:

- showing any kind of desperation
- harassing your ex or any other person
- asking if he/she is interested in coming back with you
- asking about his/her feelings towards you
- calling your ex all the time

Try to figure out how you would feel if someone did all these things to you. Even if the person was nice, you probably wouldn't want him/her anymore. The fact is, no one wants to be with a needy person. The best way to get rid from your neediness is to fill your life with interesting activities, hobbies, friends... Then, you will be able to enjoy the time you spend with your ex much more, and he/she will probably be much more interested in coming back with you.

Linda

Dating your ex successfully

If you would like to date your ex again after a break up, you should first gauge your feelings. If you are not certain this is actually what you desire, take some time to think over, or try to have a couple of other dates first - this will tell you if your ex is really the one you want. If you are absolutely sure, then go on. It may be truly rewarding in case of success. You will both find some relief, and enjoying time together again is the best way to take a fresh start.

One of the greatest errors is to make this date an act of despair. This has no chance to work, as no one can be appealed to somebody desperate. On the contrary, too much assurance can hurt too. Do not rush and take time to figure out the feelings of your ex. He/she may still be hesitant, and things should go easy to avoid wrecking everything. The best attitude is to feel comfortable within yourself. You should have overcome any anger or bad feelings.

On the other hand, good things of the past should be recollected and used as a way to initiate good feelings during the date. Memories have great power, be it in a negative or positive way, so that you should concentrate on positive ones only. You should also make sure that your ex is having a good time with you. However, don't expect too much too rapidly. This is a fresh seduction process, and it may take some time, especially given your past troubles. So, sit back, and try to be as attractive and positive as you can.

Linda

What are the Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back?

You should be aware of the signs that your ex wants you back. But be careful as this might be only in your imagination. If you are a broken heart and wants your ex back, you should learn to interpret correctly some of these signs, as these will give you an extra advantage.

Here are a few reliable signs that your ex is trying to get back with you:

- Your ex constantly keeps in touch with you.
- Your ex has no real relationships and has mentioned it clearly
- Your ex talks about serious topics and wants your attention about these
- Your ex wants to keep up with you and not let you out of sight
- Your ex asks if you are interested in someone else
- Your ex makes sexy gestures when in your presence
- Your ex stares in your eyes for a few minutes

The best thing to do if these signs are noticeable is to be a little quieter than you used to be. This way, your ex will ask for more and become more curious, which will make him/her want you even more!