You probably feel very sad, but don't be desperate: almost any break up can be repaired. The first important thing is to take some time. After the break up, both of you are likely to be very emotional, which does not help in solving things. Trying to have a discussion with your ex when all he/she wants to do is yelling at you cannot work and will make things worse. The best approach to take is to avoid any contact during at least one or two weeks, and even more if your relationship has lasted for a long time. During this time, you will be able to think carefully about what went wrong and what could have been done to avoid this.
The other benefit is that your ex will probably start to miss you, but for this to happen you have to really end any contact. Maybe this can be a good time to leave your place temporarily and travel to see old friends or your family. Don't be afraid of losing definitely your ex by somewhat "disappearing". On the contrary he/she will be the one most disturbed and will try anything to find you and talk to you. But don't surrender too early, even if your mobile is full of messages. Use this time to get a clear vision of your relationship and what you are waiting from it. Get involved in your favourite hobbies or interest, socialize, and work on increasing your own value. Pay more attention to your appearance, clothes, attitudes. Try to eliminate any negative feeling and become a better person - for everyone, and not just for your ex.
Then once both of you have had time to calm down and think over, you can start considering a first contact with your ex. It is important at this stage to go slowly - remember you are not together anymore, at least "officially". The best thing to do is a short phone call, to ask how he/she is doing. Normally, if you have waited enough, the call should be appreciated. If things seem to be okay, you can propose to get together for a cup of coffee or a drink. At this stage, the meeting should not be too long. The best way to do this is to impose a "time constraint". For instance, say at the beginning that you only have 45 minutes, because you have other commitments (and try to make them real!). This way, you show that you have your own life and that you are not desperate. This is crucial to make you desirable again. Then, try to work things smoothly and arrange other meetings. If you succeed in becoming the one being chased and not the other way around, everything will work like a charm.
Good luck!
Linda
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